


Trifecta

by SaintLeona



Category: Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Drinking, F/M, random shit, silly shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-05
Updated: 2015-06-05
Packaged: 2018-04-02 22:46:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4076659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaintLeona/pseuds/SaintLeona
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stop me if you've heard this one: the Hero of Ferelden, the Champion of Kirkwall, and the Herald of Andraste all walk into a bar…</p>
            </blockquote>





	Trifecta

After the final battle of the Fifth Blight, the people of Ferelden had their priorities when it came to rebuilding: tavern first, followed by the chantry, the market after that, then anything else that needed fixing. Unsurprisingly, the tax collector's office was last on the list. The process was slow and painful for the citizens, but the Gnawed Noble was ready for customers in less than a week. It wasn't just in the heart of Denerim. It was the heart of Denerim. The one place that everyone could go to forget they'd almost witnessed the end of the world. It was loud, friendly, and – most importantly – always open.

But one night, more than ten years after the archdemon had been vanquished by the Hero of Ferelden, the tavern was quiet. The conversations were reduced to hushed whispers, the throng keeping far away from a table in the corner. The patrons kept glancing to that table, but turned away in a hurry if one of the women sitting there happened to look in their direction. Not even the waitress would get close lest they regard her as an intruder. Instead, the three women took turns walking to the bar to refill their cups.

"Champion of Kirkwall, coming through!"

Hawke balanced three mugs of ale in her hand as she pushed through the crowd. Not that anyone pushed back; everyone knew better than to get in her way. A path cleared between her and the corner table.

"Sorry, ladies," she said as she set the mugs down. "They're apparently out of wine. We'll have to settle for this stuff."

The brunette to Hawke's right snorted. "How does a tavern run out of wine?"

Hawke shrugged. "Beats me. Maybe Her Highness over here could look into it." She jerked her thumb to the blonde at her left.

"I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation." The queen took a sip of the ale and choked almost at once. "Oh, no. I'm afraid this won't do." She glanced at a man standing about ten feet away and gave him a slight bob of her head. He nodded his reply and ran out of the tavern like his feet were on fire.

"I don't even want to know." Hawke straddled a chair and rested her forearms on its back. "So where were we?"

"I believe it was my turn," the brunette said.

Hawke smiled. "I yield the floor to the Inquisitor."

Inquisitor Trevelyan grinned. She leaned forward in her chair. "Silliest thing you did while saving the word."

The queen glared at her. "I'll have you know there was nothing 'silly' about anything I did."

"Oh, come on! There has to be something. No one can do anything for themselves. 'Excuse me, I know there is a huge hole in the sky that's shitting out demons and the world is probably about to end, but can you help me find my goat?'"

Hawke barked a laugh. "A goat?"

"Yep, a goat. To be fair, it may have been a ram. He was very reasonable though. Went straight home as soon as I told him to."

Even the queen chuckled at that. "You actually talked to the thing? And it listened?"

Trevelyan nodded. "Sure did. The owner was happy, gained a few popularity points for the Inquisition as well."

The three laughed together. The man from earlier appeared at the queen's side. "Your highness," he said, and produced a large wooden box.

"Ah, thank you, Wallas. Just what we needed." She took the box and gave him a warm smile. "It is much appreciated."

Wallas looked like he had just died and gone to the Maker's side. "It was my pleasure, your Highness. Anything for you, my Lady." He backed away a few steps.

Hawke whistled. "Wow. For a minute there I thought he was going to make a mess in his britches."

"Don't be vulgar." She opened the lid and pulled out three glasses and two bottles. Wallas stepped forward again and took the box away, looking for all the world like she had bequeathed him with riches beyond measure. Hawke leaned backwards and looked at the seat of the queen's chair. "What are you looking at?" she asked. 

Hawke straightened. "I was just checking to see if the sun really does shine out your ass." 

Trevelyan gigged, then gasped as she recognized the bottle on the table. "Wait a minute. Is that…Rialto Brandy?"

"Of course. A gift from the Antivan royal family. Sometimes it's good to be the queen."

Hawke inspected the date on one of the bottles. "This stuff is older than I am. You've been holding out on us!"

"A lady never shows her whole hand. Surely you know that."

"I don't think anyone has ever called me a lady. At least not without a bunch of snickering afterward."

Trevelyan uncorked the bottle and began pouring brandy into the glasses. "Thank you, your Highness."

"Evelyn, I thought we agreed. My name is Elissa."

"As long as you both call me Hawke, because I hate Marian. Seriously, don't call me Marian." She picked up a glass and swirled the liquid around before bringing it to her nose and inhaling deeply. "Wow. Elissa, I don’t know if you understand the true greatness that is this drink." She raised the glass. Elissa and Evelyn followed suit. "To doing stupid things." They clinked the glasses together and each took a sip. "Oh sweet maker. I think I'm in love." Hawke held the glass tight to her chest.

Evelyn grinned. "I think you'll have to fight me for it."

The queen grabbed the open bottle and topped off her drink. "No need to fight, ladies. I can have more sent to Kirkwall and Skyhold, if you wish."

Hawke held her glass out for a refill. "Oh, I definitely wish." Elissa poured more brandy. "Okay, I once had to bring a pair of magic pantaloons or something to this dwarf. Only got fifty silver out of it."

"Then why did you do it?"

Hawke shrugged. "I was new to Kirkwall and desperate for coin. I was trying to fund a trip to the Deep Roads." 

Evelyn settled back in her chair. "So, your highness, what did you do? We know it was something."

Elissa smiled behind her glass. "Nug wrangling."

"Say that again."

She sighed. "There was a dwarf in Orzammar. He sold nugs and asked me to find some for him. So I did." 

Hawke held up a hand. "Hang on. You had to find nugs for a guy who sold nugs? What was he? The worst merchant in history?"

Elissa shook her head. "He was going through a tough time. It's not exactly easy living in Orzammar, and there was a blight going on as well. And it wasn't a simple task, either. Do you know how hard it is to carry three nugs at once? It's a good thing Lelianna likes them." She taped her fingers on the rim of her glass. "Actually got her one as a pet. Had to keep it away from Oghren, though. He wanted to eat it."

Evelyn lit up. "You're where she got the first Schmooples from!"

"The first?"

"Yeah, she's got another one now. At least I think she does. She has one called Schmooples the Second now. Does that mean the other one died, or she just gave them the same name?"

"How long does a nug live anyway?" Hawke asked.

"I don't know. I prefer to stick to my Mabari."

"Same here. I'll never go into battle without Wrex." Hawke and Elissa clinked their glasses together in a toast.

"What about you?" Elissa nodded to Evelyn.

"Sorry, I don't have any mabari," she replied. "But I do have horses. And dracolisks. A few harts. Some giant nugs."

"That's all? Nothing special then?" Hawke wiggled her eyebrows, amused at her own sarcasm.

"I do have a horse with a sword jammed through its skull." Hawke and Elissa stared at her. "It's as horrifying as it sounds."

"And on that note," Elissa said, and reached for the bottle of brandy.

"Whoa, hang on a minute." Hawke leaned forward. "What is that?"

Elissa looked to where Hawke was pointing on her arm. Her sleeve had ridden up and exposed part of a nasty looking scar. "Oh, that." She pulled her arm back and smoothed the fabric back over her wrist. "It's nothing, really."

"Bullshit," Hawke said. "And it's my turn, so let's go with best scars." She turned to the Queen of Ferelden. "I'll show you mine if you show me yours."

Elissa sighed and unlaced her sleeve at her wrist. She pulled the fabric up to her shoulder and let her companions take a good look at the four gruesome scars that dotted her arm. "The archdemon. It grabbed me in its mouth and shook me like a ragdoll."

Evelyn's eyes were wide. "How did you survive that?"

Elissa covered her arm again. "Lelianna got it in the eye with a well shot arrow, and Wynne pumped me full of healing magic." Her voice grew quiet and she took a sip of her drink.

Hawke let her have a moment before lifting her shirt up to expose her abdomen and a white line that ran from her breastbone to her navel. "Impaled by the Arishok." She ran a hand along the scar. "And I've got a matching one on my back." She tucked her shirt back into her pants. "Top that one, your Inquisitorialness."

Evelyn blushed as she undid the top two buttons of her blouse. She pulled the fabric to expose her right shoulder, which was crisscrossed with a web of red marks. "Lightning from Corypheus. Lucky for me it got my right side. Dorian said that if it got my heart, I would have been dead on the spot." 

"Damn," whispered Hawke. "I'm sorry."

Evelyn shrugged and righted her shirt. "It's not your fault, Hawke, no matter what you may think. Besides, I got a hell of a lot of pampering afterwards. I stayed in bed for a week." She grinned. "Mostly because I couldn't walk straight."

"Oh really?" Hawke rested her chin on her hand. "Do tell."

"I'm sure you got the same treatment after your brush with the Arishok."

Hawke's features softened. "Yeah, I did."

Elissa topped off all three glasses and raised hers in a toast. "Ladies, here's to Grey Warden Stamina."

Evelyn raised her glass. "I'll drink to that!"

"What do you mean?" Hawke asked. "Yours isn't even a Grey Warden!"

"Yes, he is," Evelyn countered. "Now."

"Now?" Elissa raised an eyebrow. "Sounds like a story."

Hawke leaned over to the queen. "It's a good one, I'll tell you later."

"Hawke," Evelyn warned.

"Don't worry, I wasn't going to tell her about the barn."

Elissa leaned to Hawke. "Wait, what about a barn?"

Hawke answered without hesitation. "They did the do and then he ran out on her, leaving her high and dry and naked in the barn."

The queen's mouth dropped open in disbelief. "He didn't!"

A blush began to spread across Evelyn's cheeks. "No! He didn't! Hawke, if you're going to tell a story, then get it right." She lifted her glass and smiled. "He never once has left me dry."

Elissa gasped and covered her mouth with her hand while Hawke spit out the brandy she had just sipped and cackled. Evelyn winked at them both before downing her drink in one swallow.

***

In another corner of the tavern, three men watched their ladies carry on like three old friends.

"Do you think they're talking about us?" Blackwall asked.

"Nope." Anders swallowed the last of his ale and signaled the bartender for more. "I know they're talking about us."

"Maker's breath." Alistair rubbed his hands over his face. "If I know my wife, they're going on about something embarrassing that we've done."

The bartender hurried to drop a tankard on the table in front of Anders and left just as quickly. The mage picked it up, sniffed it, and drank fast in an attempt to swallow it without actually tasting it. "The ladies have brandy. Good brandy. Why don't we?"

"Because they deserve the best." Blackwall nodded to his cup. "We drink this so there's more brandy for them."

Alistair bobbed his head in agreement. "You know, we could tell embarrassing stories about them." He looked to his companions. "We all know some."

Blackwall laughed under his breath. "You first, your majesty," he challenged. 

"You think I'm scared of her?"

"Yes," Blackwall and Anders answered together.

"Just because she killed an archdemon," he muttered.

All three looked into their mugs. Alistair was the first to raise his. "Well then, here's to my queen."

Anders followed suit. "And to my love."

Blackwall lifted his mug to meet theirs. "And to my lady."

They drank and spent the rest of the night listening to the laughter drift from across the tavern.

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, this is really random. I had the thought of "if the Warden, Hawke, and the Inquisitor met, what would they talk about?" I know Hawke and the Inquisitor did indeed meet, but it wasn't exactly under the best of circumstances. So when the world isn't ending, it turns out they talk about scars and pets and stupid quests.
> 
> And Grey Warden Stamina.


End file.
